PONDERINGS FROM THE ETERNAL NOW

May 2005 #22

Dear Friends,

Spring has arrived in all her glory even though the last week of April brought a few flurries. The rosebud tree blossoms blanket the mountains and the dogwood trees are in full bloom here at the prison.

We watched five baby bunnies open their eyes and grow under one of our picnic tables. It was the first time I've ever seen a rabbit's nest.

The birds are nest building with the straw laid on the earth where the new water system was placed.

We have heard hundreds if not thousands of peepers on early evening walks and our woodpeckers entertain us as they peck on the aluminum picnic tables.

Each week continues to bring new women, new stories and more tears. I sometimes wonder how many tears the human body can observe and absorb. Just when I feel I can't hear one more tale of injustice, new stories break forth.

A new woman lieutenant was hired and the shakedowns are frequent. One night saw us outside from 9 – 10p.m. (I had been asleep); and another evening we were displaced from supper at 5:30 p.m. until 8:30 p.m. – all for a few extra blankets, pillows or food.

We have lost a male officer and a few more are under investigation for inappropriate conduct with females. One male counselor has volunteered again and left for Iraq .

My deepest wish would be to grant release to every woman here but the reality is I must say goodbye.

Goodbye means “God be with you!” and that is the prayer I leave behind. These women have gifted me and taught me much these past years. Their only request is that I share their stories and talk about conditions in prison – suck a simple request because our stories are all connected. We are all in the circle.

The day of my release, May 23, is a full moon! It has been called Full Flower Moon, Full Corn Planting Moon and Full Milk Moon. The moon has become a powerful image for me because it connects us all to the web of life.

Enclosed is a list of instructions that will help with my transition. The sad reality is that while humorous, it is also true.

The future days are uncertain. I am to report within 72 hours of release to Colorado probation as relocation to Jonah House was not approved. My decision is to return to Jonah House , my home of ten years.

May 23 rd I will be released at 8:00 a.m. In the evening we will celebrate with food, music and friends. The next day I will call the Colorado probation and accept the consequences.

I wonder these days what scars I will carry with me? How have I changed during these years of incarceration? Will I adjust to the changes around me? Will I remain faithful in the days ahead? What will three years of supervised release mean in my life? These and so many other questions are all reminders to be present to our Eternal Now!

In closing, there are not adequate words to thank you for your support these past 29 months. Please know you have blessed me in so many ways.

My gift to you is a prayer I wrote last month that expressed my spiritual life these days:

O God,
Teach us to be always in Your Presence.
Teach us to be silent so Your Word can be heard.
You speak to us in nature and in others.
Help us to see Your Face in everyone we meet.

 Teach us and others the power of nonviolence.
Help us to resist the greed and power in our lives,
to simply live and to walk gently on the Earth.
Bless us with a sense of humor, joy and hope.

Make our lives a total prayer to You through action.
You bless us with the “burden of knowing” as we
“speak truth to power.”

 We trust Your grace is given for every consequence
we face and we know to follow You will
mean both blessing and the cross.
Please give us strength in Your little ones
so that not one child ever asks: “Why were you complicit?”

We know you will never abandon us.
May we never abandon You.
Amen.

Carol Gilbert , O.P. 4 – 05 (Alderson Federal Prison Camp, WV)

You remain in my heart and prayer as you live these days in hope. Courage!

With deep love,

Carol Gilbert , O.P. #10856-039
Federal Prison Camp
P.O. Box A
Alderson WV 24910

Understanding is knowing what to do. Wisdom is knowing what to do next. Virtue is actually doing it. – Tristan Gylberd